Otaku Frenzy At Hogwarts
by Teh Otaku Inc
Summary: Harry and Draco are serious otaku. Like seriously. Like Sirius Black serious. We're not joking like at all. Dattebayo! Interconnected oneshots. Crackwarning.
1. Treee: The Prologue of Two

**Otaku Frenzy Hogwarts**: This fanfic is really a bunch of interconnected oneshots put together as the summary says. There's not exactly a plot between the chapters despite them all being related. Anyway, there is no need to read these in order. So choose what you will and read it. (We do recommend reading this in order though. :P )

**A/N**: Now, as we are pretty mainstream anime/manga fans, you have nothing to worry about as far as comprehension goes for this fic. As long as you know… the pretty mainstream anime/manga stuff, you'll be fine! YAY! Except maybe for some non-pretty mainstream anime/manga stuff, which would never quite extend to the downright obscure stuff, so it's all greaaaaat. Yes. We can hear your 'Greaaaaat' now.

**Summary**: Harry and Draco catch each other being otaku. What happens when they discover the other with an inner-otaku?

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**Treee: The Prologue of Two**

A lone figure scurried across the castle grounds; hunched over a bundle, shadow barely casting a grey blur on the morning's dew steeped grass, long, billowing robes protected by a water-repellent charm to ward away the lurking swirls of mist and grass stains. The sun's yellow eye, half hidden by earth's blanket, half lidded by cloud, and half dead at 5:00am on a Saturday morning, could care less, like most Hogwarts students.

But Draco Malfoy was not most students.

And he most certainly cared about himself.

At that rare moment though, he wasn't focused on a mirror. He was on a mission. A serious mission. An 'affair de la coeur'. He could not get caught. For to be caught, was to suffer mockery and social humiliation from his peers, not to mention possible disownment.

A few yards from the forest fringe, he stopped. Looking back to make sure no one was following him, he ducked his platinum-blond rumpled bedhead into the dank darkness of the Forbidden Forest. _Lumos_. A stream of yellow light fought back the gloom of artificial night deep in the dense shade beneath the ancient trees. This place was almost impossible to navigate without experience.

_No one can track me down now, _Draco grinned, completely forgetting that Hagrid had way more skillz than he ever would. But, as he completely forgot that, it's not really a part of the story, now is it? HA.

With a double swish and three circular flourishes, he conjured splotches of light from traces of bark he'd infused with his soul to mark his path. Because this was just that important. Deactivating each blue patch by pressing his wand tip to the tree on his way, Draco eventually made it to his secret hideaway with only a couple more leaves in his hair than before.

He poked his head into the light of the clearing surrounding a massive oak tree, its gnarled branches twisting into and out of the foliage which could hide an elephant at parts. _Not that I need it, I'm hardly as fat as say… Weasley's cow of a mum,_ Draco thought to himself as he walked over to the tree and levitated himself up to avoid coming into contact with more nature than was necessary.

Securing a spot on a sturdy branch, he put his back to the trunk after a mild cleansing charm and took a deep breath, preparing himself for re-acquaintance with his love. It was time.

A few seconds later, the sounds of engrossing sex filled the air.

And Draco used his wand to zap a pair of cicadas who were getting it on next to his right ear.

_Honestly now, way to ruin the moment, _the Slytherin thought as shook his head and opened the package he was carrying, revealing a pink covered book. No. Manga volume. _Oh, yes, Ouran! _He nearly squealed, but managed to hold it in in favor of not attracting the attention of various Forbidden Forest inhabitants who could hurt, and or possibly maim him in a variety of ways. After all, the fangirl-squeal was originally a rallying call, created to gather large amounts of hormone crazed teens in an attempt to hunt down hunks of meat, otherwise known as bishounen. As the masses congeal, their high-pitched voices create a type of high, in which individuals lose all rational thought and rampage in search of fresh meat. In the face of such an advanced hunter race, the creatures of the forest have become extremely wary of any and all signs of otaku. Draco read all about it in _The Guide to Surviving in the Forbidden Forest of Hogwarts: Otaku Version _when he'd been preparing to serve detention with Hagrid that one time in first year.

Yes, the obsession went that far back.(1)

By now, Draco had finished three chapters of volume 9, by now, deeply absorbed by theignorance of his own feelings of a certain blond._ Why is Tamaki so stupid?!_

So enraptured was he in the drama that he took no notice of a certain blue Ford Anglia careening towards the tree trunk.

"Bloody Hell!" cried Draco, startled by the sudden jolt as well as an accompanying loud "_GRAAAH" (thud/squish) (tire squeal) _"Who's there!?" he shouted down, quickly stuffing his guilty pleasures into his robes. He caught the smashed front of a rusted blue car back-pedaling into the green forest and a person-sized black heap on the ground through the foliage. Unluckily, there didn't seem to be any pools of red so there was still danger of being found out.

"Uggh… Malfoy?" the filthy heap dared to squint up at Draco, "You're the only person I know that blond and pasty. What're you doing here?"

Draco took out his Omnioculars (originally to make sure no one was around, whoops) and zoomed in, as he was slightly myopic from reading too much in dim lighting under the bedcovers past midnight. "Ah! Potter!" He gave an inward sigh of relief. _Potter doesn't know how to blackmail; he's too Gryffindor._ Draco composed himself. "You're the only one I know who could fall out of a tree and whose hair would look no different. In a bad sense." _Only heathens could live so poorly groomed_. "What are you doing here?" _Haha, look at Potter clutching his head. I suppose the Boy Who Just Wouldn't Die wouldn't have been bumped off from a mere twenty foot fall. Just my luck that the grass is so thick here._ "Haven't got a concussion, have you? Though I bet Creevy and the Weaslette would simper by your sickbed through your last moments-"

"Ugh, shut it you slimy haired git. I was coming here to be ALONE!" Potter seemed to be going to pick up a pink rectangle. No. Manga volume, Draco realized as he zoomed the Omnioculars more.

"_Accio Ouran!_"Dracoheld Potter's copy of the book, eyes wide in disbelief at the realization that it was…the Exact. Same. Copy. As. His."Hah, Potter, isn't this for girls? I know you were odd, but I didn't know you were that queer!" Draco jeered, inner Draco taking over with school yard taunts.

However, in his excitement, Draco's own prized volume had tumbled down. The soot-haired brat seemed to realize that it wasn't his though, perhaps through the absence of dog-ears. "That's from the library, courtesy of Hermione, actually. Unfortunately, I can't think of a similar excuse for you." He flipped the pages of the mint condition volume with a raised eyebrow. "My god, Malfoy, how prudish could you get?"

"It-it-it's not mine! I…stole it from a muggle!" Draco's face was getting red as he grew more agitated.

"There aren't any muggles within miles of this place." Harry never let down that one eyebrow. "Malfoy… have you ever… cosplayed?"

"No! You think a person of my social standing would set foot in one of those stink-pit conventions? Ugh! Some muggle might drink too much and vomit on my costume I spent days waiting for a house-elf to make!" Those useless creatures had to set aside all costume creation every ten minutes or so to jab their fingers with needles or iron their ears for doing something muggle against the orders of Draco's… entire family tree, sans himself. It was truly tragic, being a Malfoy.

"The only way you'd know that much about cosplay, being a wizard and isolated from conventions and muggle streets, would be if you'd looked into it. Now… tell me the truth, _Malfoy_."

"Well, _Potter_, riddle me this, on page…."

(Insert 10 lines of otaku trivia exchange, the really deep and dark secrets.)

"Harry!" the blond leapt out of the tree.

"Draco!" the brunette ran to greet him.

"Harry!" A field of flowers.

"Draco!" An embrace. A sunset. A crashing wave.

THE END

(1)

See, once, when he was just wee small, a skydiver decided to take a plane over Malfoy manor, thinking it was a clearing on which he might have a lovely picnic afterwards. The silly man brought along with him two bags; one filled with foodstuffs, a blanket, and manga for entertainment, the other, his parachute. Unfortunately, he got the bags mixed up, and went kersplat, as sandwiches do nothing to lessen the mighty force of gravity.

Luckily for a seven year old Draco who was wandering around being all bored-like, the man had kept his manga in a plastic baggy to protect it from possible food spillage, and inadvertently kept it from being spoiled by his bloody remains as well.

Now, Draco was the son of a Deatheater and so thus found bloody muggle corpses to be nothing out of the ordinary. He went over to investigate, looked around in the bags, because children are just curious like that, and found a lovely picture book. Of course, it was still muggle, and all muggle things were to be Dust-ified, but Draco decided to keep this picture book because he felt like it.

What a silly spoiled child.

Later, when he started tracking blood on the Persian carpets on the way to his room, he decided to call Dobby to clean up all traces of what he had done. So it was that Draco's obsession came to be, and the first seeds of insanity were sown in Dobby's heart, causing him to actually want to rebel against such acts of crime-scene clean up.

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Remember to feedback! Onegaishimasu. Constructive criticism welcome.


	2. Ch 1 Of Purchasing Happiness

**Otaku Frenzy Hogwarts**: This fanfic is really a bunch of interconnected oneshots put together as the summary says. There's not exactly a plot between the chapters despite them all being related. Anyway, there is no need to read these in order. So choose what you will and read it. (We do recommend reading this in order though. :P )

**Summary**: Harry and Draco go on a "quest" to buy manga. Will they be able to with a Draco who is constantly nagging about stupid muggles and counterfeit pounds?

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**Purchasing Happiness**

"You can't buy happiness with money." They say you can't, but we certainly have as manga-consumers. But what's more, Harry and Draco felt they could as well. They were quite sure of it. Unfortunately, the two were missing the one thing that could actually help them buy their happiness. Muggle money. Alas, they could not purchase their one true joy in life: manga.

It was a chilly autumn day; the wind blew gently scattering the collage of fallen leaves. Crisp leaves on the sidewalk made brusque crunching noises as the two boys marched around the streets of London on their quest to unearth the Holy Grail of Otakus.

"Brrr…it's cold," shivered Harry. "Where's the Borders you couldn't stop repetitively jabbering about back at the dorms, Malfoy?"

Malfoy shrugged as if he wasn't agitated at this extremely valid question and carefully strode pass the piles of leaves. Without glancing back, he haughtily replied, "That's not the point. Before that, we need mudblood pounds. Seems it's not to be found easily." _Last time, the ones Father transfigured from parchment just weren't as real as the original things. They weren't accepted, and Father wouldn't be bothered to help again. Bet the Potter boy is relishing my failure. Can't they just hand some of those pieces of paper? They're quite simply thin bleached slices of trees. Worth nothing. Can't they understand our need…?? No! I mean my need, MY NEED for some._

"Muggles, Malfoy. They're called muggles."

_Hmph, he can never shut his trap, _harrumphed Malfoy who lo and behold for the first time in the eyes of the public was appearing flustered._ Neither fool 's gold nor counterfeit notes worked with those blockhead counter clerks who are no better than fools. _"Muggles, mudbloods, whatever! We need mudblood money to buy manga in that store full of ingenious drawings." Malfoy came to a sudden standstill, and in a moment of pure brilliance, he invented a plan. The aristocratic blond held a smug face. Turning around, he paused and examined Harry. A studious ambiance hung in the air as Draco's eyes scrutinized his companion's expression. Spontaneously, Malfoy spoke out, "Harry, go beg."

"Beg?? Are you joking, Malfoy? I will not bring myself down to such depths."

"First. You are the Boy Who Lived. You," he pointed at Harry, "can live through anything. Didn't you say so yourself? Second. You know those filthy muggles better than I do. Third. But weren't you like totally dying for the next volume of Naruto?? And fourthly, I am Draco Malfoy. Malfoys do not beg."

Like a person staring blankly into space waiting for the rest of their mind to catch on, Harry suddenly jumped up into the high skies for joy. _Oh yes! Of course!_ Harry was an absolute fan. There was no question about that. He reenacted all the battle scenes and figured out how to do the perfect Naruto pose for Naruto's Sexy Jutsu. "Of course. The outcome of Gaara's and Sasuke's and of Orochimaru's and Third Hokage's battles against each other!" Harry posed in an abridged version of his favorite jutsu as his inner voice yelled, _Hell yes!! Dattebayo! Believe it! No question about that._

"Good. So go beg," smirked Malfoy.

It stumped Harry. _What? Why me? The git desired it all along. I must never accept._ "No."

"Go beg."

"Never!" Harry's eyes slanted. His eyebrows furled.

Regrettably, Malfoy seemed then to have a higher EQ than the other unfortunate mammal blocking his vision who was being an absolutely hideous nuisance. Malfoy was intelligent enough in comparison to the many mammals of our world to actually understand the word attraction. Especially in this case the "Fangirl Pout", a specially personalized puppy-eye look that is perfect when one wants to look pretty and innocent so much so that they could never be rejected.

Thus did the blond boy clasp his two hands together and Fangirl Pouted with pathetic sweetness adding an extra 'kawaii' smile to perfect the spectacle, "Onegai-Naruto??" Now, as a reader, as this was what Harry saw, imagine a border of roses and nice warm spotlight… Ahh…the refreshing beauty…

Harry stopped dead. He was in deep contemplation. He felt the warmth of love. _No! The heat. The redness. The aroma of sweet roses. It's too much. No, it is out of this world!!_ Abruptly, unable too stand it any longer, Harry broke out, "Hoi! Hoi!" He plastered a corny smile onto his face and ran off to beg for some pounds. The adrenaline that had momentarily rushed through him had been too much to bear at that moment. It was time to illegally _Accio British Pounds_… (1)

Harry hastily returned, and immediately, the two without further ado raced across Trafalgar square searching for Borders, one of the few manga havens in London. And then that was when the dilemma started.

Malfoy had to have the next volume of Ouran High School Host Club. It was THE COOLEST. It schooled all shounen manga. It schooled mecha. It schooled because there were the hottest seven guys ever to be found in mangaland in Ouran. Especially Honey-senpai and his bunny! (Of course, Tamaki received his admiration for his gregariousness, multitalent-ness, affluence, great judgment in the arts including looks, and most of all womanizing power. HAH! Bet you never knew that…) Even better, Ouran had the smexiest looking guys ever with the most important thing in Malfoy's lexicon, a good taste for attire.

On the other hand, Harry had to have the next volume of Naruto. He believed it was the THE BEST. Naruto's Gary Stus stewed all. Naruto's Mary Sues sued all. Moreover, it schooled because there was an awesome ninja called Lee, Harry's ultimate idol. Lee was a fortunate guy without a scar. Harry was of course naturally jealous of Lee and his eternal youth. Besides, Lee had the ultimate weapon that all males would die for, the ability to overpower hate. Yes! Lee had the eyebrow, the eyelashes, the eye, and everything going on. Who could possibly have a grudge against that teen? I mean seriously.

Exuberance inundated the manga-ish air when they cuddled the manga volumes that they longed for and cradled them back and forth in their arms. Malfoy constantly snogged the front cover of Ouran of Tamaki and Kyouya. Harry licked his lips in lust, ever so savoring the pictures of Lee's artistic and bold eyebrows.

But alas, there was barely enough money for them to afford for one volume. One had to suffer and live without their daylight, and neither was willing to sacrifice. So it was decided by the one muggle game Draco and Harry actually knew.

Jan-ken-pon.

Exactly! A reenactment of Kakashi and Guy-sensei. Harry pumped himself up while Draco coolly reread the ninth volume of Ouran. Bouncing up and down as if he was about to go boxing, Harry prepared himself by making fists and tucking his arms in a prep-Thai boxing-punching-position. On Harry's right, Malfoy simply kept on reading and savoring the company of his beloved 'Oto-san', Tamaki.

It was the final moment of truth. Suspense. Spotlight. Drumroll.

First round. Gong! And it had begun. Harry intensely whispered, "Jan-ken-pon!"

It was a tie of both rocks. They tried again.

Round two. Gong! A tie of paper.

Round Three. Gong! A tie of scissors.

Round four. Once again, Harry whispered, "Jan-ken-pon!" As he did so, he bounced up and down again. As soon as he formed the word 'pon' on his lips, Harry threw his fist down in between him and Malfoy with all his might. And there it was, the conclusion. A decided winner of the day. Rock versus paper.

In the end, to the great disappointment of poor Harry, Draco had outwit the Potter boy, won rock-paper-and-scissors, and bought his true happiness with a little help from Lil' Potty's "begging skills". And well, Harry? That was when he started turning into a teenager filled with angst; that was also when he bawled and sobbed in his little dark corner, the beginning symptoms of an emo filled with anguish.

THE END

(1) Kudos to you and your belief in Harry being innocent that time during his summer before the second year of Hogwarts for using underage wizardry, but this was actually what caused him to receive a letter from the Ministry of Magic. Phew! That was a long sentence.


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